TWISTED by Anika

December 11, 2008

I had to check the word ‘Twisted’ in the dictionary. Clearly, I have heard it thousands of times, but when asked to write about the meaning of the word, I was not sure what it really meant.

It’s funny, when I think about it. One of my favourite songs is called “Twisted” by Skunk Anansie. I was always wondering why the song is called that.

The refrain goes like this:

Every day hurts a little bit more

And I’ll do anything

Yes, I’ll do anything

To belong, to be strong

To say there’s nothing wrong

Here is the video to check out the whole song:

The song is about a twisted truth, about being seemingly happy, but feeling the opposite deep inside you. I think a lot of people feel like that or twist the truth in that way, because it is just the easiest way not to deal with worries and problems.

The song means so much to me, because I was stuck in such a role play for my whole childhood. My father is a very successful businessman who was working his arse off to earn enough money in order to buy a big house with sauna, pool and a garage for his Mercedes. But he forgot one thing: His family. Even though I was living with him for twenty years, he was a stranger to me all my life. However, he wanted to show people that he can a successful businessman AND a great father. That is why he forced me to attend various events where I had to show everyone how much I love my father.

My mother realized how twisted this was. However, she encouraged me to play the game as it is just the easiest way. The truth is a really complex and difficult thing, never simple and often hard to deal with. So, a lot of people make their life easier by just pretending to be something else. I think, most of them don’t even realize how much they lie to themselves.

How often do people ask you, how you are feeling? And how many times do you say “good, thanks” when you actually feel miserable? Who wants to know that you are miserable anyway? The cashier in Sainsbury’s doesn’t, the taxi driver doesn’t, maybe even the people you work with on a regular basis don’t care if you feel miserable. They just ask you how are you feeling to be polite or to start a conversation.

Or what about gay people? I know a lot of gay people who had a lot of trouble accepting their sexuality. They often have relationships with the opposite sex, even though they are not sexually attracted to them. This is the easiest way to deal with it – not to deal with it at all. But what is that for a life when you have to reject who you are?

That does not only apply to gay people, but to everyone. Everyone twists the truth concerning who they are and what they feel at some point. And I don’t think that this is always a good thing. Since I stopped playing that “happy family” game, my life has become a bit harder, but I feel relieved, free and like myself. I think we should all be more honest to ourselves and behave according to our real thoughts and feelings. It is hard, I know – but in the long run life is so much better without twisted truths.

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